Silence Speaks Volumes: My Raw Truth Behind the Curtain
It’s been a hot minute since I last checked in, and let me tell you, my silence hasn't been due to a lack of love or inspiration—it’s been more like a wrestling match with life itself, with faith as my cornerstone. Picture Michael Cole and Pat McAfee narrating my every move, their voices booming with excitement as I step into the arena of destiny, capturing the drama, triumphs, and painful losses that have shaped my journey.
Imagine the bright lights illuminating the space, the crowd roaring as I prepare to face the chaos and challenges life has thrown my way. Each day feels like a new round in a championship match—a relentless battle where the stakes are high and the emotions run deep. I’ve grappled with feelings of betrayal and disappointment, weighed down by burdens of self-esteem issues, depression, and anxiety. These daily struggles often feel like an opponent I can’t quite pin down, always lurking at the edges of my mind, whispering doubts and fears that threaten to overwhelm me.
As I navigate this emotional landscape, I find myself caught in a cycle of highs and lows. Some mornings, I rise feeling like a champion, ready to take on the world, while other days, it feels like I’m answering the call to face an unseen foe, unsure of where the next blow might come from. The suffocating weight of anxiety can make even the simplest tasks monumental. At times, I question my worth, wondering if I’m deserving of love and happiness. It’s a relentless struggle, yet through it all, I’ve leaned into my faith, finding strength in the belief that I am never alone in this fight.
Just when I thought the match was over, I discovered my second wind, fueled by the unwavering conviction that God has a plan for me. The adrenaline surged, reminding me that this is my story—a saga woven with threads of resilience, hope, and divine purpose. I’m not just battling for myself; I’m fighting for the promise of a brighter tomorrow, knowing I can rise above any challenge with faith as my shield.
So strap in, because I’m about to spill some real tea, and trust me, it’s not just your average storyline. It’s a tale of redemption and grace, packed with all the drama and heart of a WrestleMania main event. Join me as I step back into the ring, ready to embrace the battles ahead, knowing that with faith guiding my steps, I am destined for victory!
Palm Sunday: A Day That Fell Flat
Palm Sunday was meant to be a day of celebration, a moment set aside to honor the start of Holy Week with my kids and family. This year was particularly unique because American and Serbian Easter fell on the same day—on top of it being WrestleMania weekend! The stars had aligned in a way that promised a chaotic but memorable time, and I was determined to make Palm Sunday special, a day to gather, connect, and create lasting memories before the whirlwind hit.
As I prepared for what I hoped would be a joyful day of egg-decorating, disappointment struck me like a ton of bricks when my expectations crumbled. I had envisioned a lively atmosphere filled with laughter, creativity, and sweet chaos, but instead, I felt like a spectator in my own home. The anticipation quickly morphed into a gut-wrenching realization of my kids’ absence.
The laughter and excitement I longed for felt like a distant dream, replaced by a heavy silence hanging in the air. I grappled with feelings of abandonment and disappointment, questioning how a day that was supposed to be filled with love and connection could unravel so quickly. It was a stark reminder that life doesn't always go as planned, and despite our best efforts, we can still find ourselves facing unexpected challenges.
WrestleMania: My Weekend Gone Awry
To me, WrestleMania isn’t just a wrestling event; it’s my version of Super Bowl weekend—a celebration that brings together everything I love about wrestling and life itself. The anticipation leading up to it swells like an electric current, filling the air with excitement and possibilities. Fans from all walks of life unite, their hearts racing as they prepare for the grand spectacle. It’s like the culmination of every major championship match rolled into one—where the thrill, the drama, and the high stakes converge for an unforgettable showdown.
As the day approaches, I deck myself out in my favorite Cody Rhodes gear, feeling a rush of pride as I sport his colors. Snacks pile high around me, a glorious assortment of treats mirroring my enthusiasm and readiness for the event. I gather my friends and family, sharing stories and strategizing our cheers as if we’re preparing for a divine mission. I’m ready to scream for my favorites, cheering them on with all the passion I can muster, as if my very spirit depends on their success in the ring. The camaraderie creates an atmosphere of pure joy, a moment where everything feels right in the world.
But this year? This year felt different. Instead of the usual adrenaline rush that makes my soul soar, I found myself grappling with a heavy sense of defeat and betrayal that overshadowed the excitement of the night. Cody Rhodes’ loss struck me as a personal blow, like I was the one being pinned down, the referee counting me out. The cheers of the crowd amplified my own inner turmoil, making me feel utterly alone in my disappointment.
In that moment, it was as if the universe conspired to throw more chaos my way, amplifying the feelings of despair that had begun to consume me. I couldn’t help but feel that the stakes were higher—not just for the wrestlers in the ring but for me, standing on the sidelines, desperately trying to make sense of my emotional battles. The cheers and roars faded, leaving me isolated in my feelings of disappointment.
Amidst this struggle, I realized I was having a hard time leaning on Jesus, even though I knew He was right there, waiting for me to tag Him in. It’s as if I could see Him standing at the edge of the ring, a steadfast presence eager to support me, yet I hesitated to reach out. The weight of my burdens pulled me down, making it difficult to acknowledge that I didn’t have to face these challenges alone. Just like a wrestler needing a partner to turn the tide of a match, I needed to remember that Jesus is my forever tag team partner. Together, we’re like D-Generation X, the iconic duo that transformed the world of wrestling. Their friendship and camaraderie changed the game, and I can lean on Jesus to empower me to face whatever challenges come my way.
As I sat there, watching the event unfold, I was reminded of Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” It dawned on me that my ultimate victory lies not just in cheering for my favorites but in finding strength and hope in my own journey. God’s presence is the ultimate game-changer, guiding me through the highs and lows, reminding me that I am never truly alone. I just needed to take that leap of faith, reach out, and let Him empower me to face whatever was thrown my way.
The Betrayal That Hit Like a Steel Chair
Just when I started to embrace the chaos, I stumbled upon a gut-wrenching betrayal that hit harder than a steel chair to the back. Someone I trusted, someone who should have had my back, looked me straight in the eye and lied. They twisted the truth like a pro wrestling heel, spinning a web of deceit for their own benefit, with no regard for how much it would hurt me. And the kicker? They had the audacity to tell me that my triggers aren’t theirs to navigate. Excuse me? When did being supportive become optional?
It felt like I was in a tag-team match where my partner decided to go rogue, abandoning me while I was taking blow after blow. I’ve always believed that those closest to us should be our biggest allies, not the ones throwing us under the bus when the going gets tough. Yet here I was, left reeling from a betrayal that felt like a sucker punch right to my gut.
That betrayal reminded me of when Shawn Michaels delivered his infamous Sweet Chin Music, super kicking Marty Jannetty through the window at Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake's barbershop to end their partnership. One moment, they were a formidable tag team, and the next, it all came crashing down. Just like that, I felt the same disbelief and heartbreak; the very person I counted on had turned against me, leaving me to face the challenges alone.
In wrestling, when a partner turns their back on you, it’s more than just a physical blow—it’s an emotional upheaval. That moment shattered not only their partnership but also the trust that had been built over time. I felt that trust evaporate as I stood alone, grappling with feelings of abandonment. Just like Marty, I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew about our bond. How could someone I trusted so deeply choose to walk away when I needed them the most? The harsh reality sunk in that this meant The Rockers were over forever. There would be no more harmony, no more synergy—just a painful reminder of what once was.
The Daily Battle: Navigating Self-Esteem, Depression, and Anxiety
In the aftermath of this betrayal, I couldn’t help but think about how intertwined my struggles with self-esteem, depression, and anxiety are in this journey. Each day feels like a wrestling match against my own thoughts, where my mind often plays the role of the antagonist. I wake up each morning battling the voices that tell me I’m not enough, that I don’t deserve happiness, and that I’ll never overcome the obstacles in my way. It’s an exhausting cycle, one that can leave me feeling defeated before the day has even begun.
The feelings of inadequacy creep in, whispering that I’m unworthy of love or success. It’s like being trapped in a headlock that I can’t escape, and no matter how hard I fight, it always seems to tighten. I find myself questioning my abilities, my relationships, and even my purpose. The weight of depression can be suffocating, making it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yet, I know that acknowledging these struggles is the first step toward healing.
Anxiety, too, plays a significant role in my daily battles. It manifests in various ways—racing thoughts, a tightening chest, and sometimes an overwhelming sense of dread. Even the simplest tasks can feel monumental, and I often find myself avoiding situations that trigger these feelings. It’s frustrating to feel trapped in my own mind, longing to break free but unsure of how to do so.
But through it all, I’m learning to lean into my faith. It becomes my anchor amid the storm, a reminder that I am not defined by my struggles. I’m discovering that vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength that allows me to connect more deeply with myself and others. I’m learning to seek help when I need it, to express my feelings, and to embrace the support of those around me.
Finding Strength in the Struggle
But here’s the twist: I’m not alone in this fight. Just like The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, who overcame his struggles and found faith, I’m inspired to rise up and reclaim my story. His journey of redemption resonates deeply with me; it serves as a powerful reminder that even in our darkest moments, there’s a path to victory waiting for us. It’s a beacon of hope, showing me that even when life throws me into the ring for a brutal match, I can lean on Jesus during these tough times.
As I navigate this emotional chaos, my faith becomes my greatest ally. I’m learning it’s okay to lean into prayer, to seek strength from Scripture, and to allow my spirituality to guide me through the storm. In moments of silence, when the noise of betrayal and hurt tries to drown me, I find clarity and solace in my relationship with God. He is my ultimate tag team partner, standing at the edge of the ring, ready to empower me to face any challenge.
Silence can be a powerful teacher. In those quiet moments, I confront my feelings, wrestle with my demons, and seek refuge in my faith. I’m learning that vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength that allows me to connect more deeply with myself and others. Ecclesiastes 3:4 hits home: “A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Right now, I’m in a season of weeping and mourning—grappling with betrayal and disappointment—but I won’t stay here forever. I’m determined to rise, reclaim my joy, and find laughter again amidst the chaos.
The Comeback Kid
So, there it is—the raw, unfiltered truth behind my silence. Life isn’t always the grand spectacle we hope for, and sometimes it leaves us grappling with betrayal and disappointment that can feel relentless. It’s easy to get lost in the chaos, overwhelmed by the weight of it all. I’ve been wrestling with feelings of abandonment, hurt, and confusion, and the emotional toll has been significant. But through it all, I’ve realized that acknowledging this pain is the first step toward healing.
Despite the hurt, I’m ready to lace up my boots, step back into the ring, and fight for my peace. I’ve faced my fair share of challenges, and I know that every setback can be a setup for a comeback. The journey to healing isn’t linear—it’s messy, filled with ups and downs, but I’m committed to embracing it all. With each day, I learn to lean into my faith, to find solace in prayer, and to trust that God has a plan for me, even when I can’t see it.
Thank you for standing by me as I navigate this storm. Your support means the world to me, reminding me I’m not alone in this fight. I promise to come back with more stories, more grit, and a heart that’s healing, ready to share the lessons I’ve learned along the way. Remember, we’re all in this together, and even on our toughest days, we can rise again. Just like the wrestlers we admire, we can harness our struggles to fuel our strength, turning pain into purpose.
In this journey, I’m reminded of Isaiah 40:31: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” This serves as a powerful reminder that when we lean on our faith, we gain the strength to rise above our circumstances, soar higher than our struggles, and keep moving forward even when the road gets tough.
As I journey forward, I’m determined to reclaim my joy and cultivate a life filled with love and authenticity. I’ll embrace the challenges, the victories, and everything in between, knowing that each moment shapes me into the person I’m meant to be. So, let’s keep fighting the good fight together, supporting one another through the highs and lows, and emerging stronger with every step we take.
Here’s to the comeback, to healing, and to a future filled with hope and resilience.
